Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
