i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
