Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
