how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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