in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Are my feet made of real feet?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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