we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
