Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Randomize
