she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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