I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
