Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
