dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
