Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
