I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
