His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
