WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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