All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
