You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
