based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
