The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
