Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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