The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
