You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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