shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
