three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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