Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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