Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Small penises have feelings too.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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