Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I bet he comes in French.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
