I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
