You work out of a Hotel?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
