stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
