Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
