Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
