Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
