Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
