he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
