Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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