If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
