I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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