i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
