I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
