Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
