I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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