Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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