New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
