I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
