she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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