We're facebook friends in real life
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
