Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
