I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
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