He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I looked at my own cervix.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
