She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
