I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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