She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Why are your pants in the freezer?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
