You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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